Our hearts are wiser than our minds could ever hope to be. We’re beginning to remember this. But how to get out of the mind and into the heart is somehow less remembered. For me, it was my bipolar diagnosis that shuffled me off the path to my heart. The more I tried to survive within the constructs of a sometimes-terrifying mind, the further I slipped away from my true centre. This is how I found my way back …
I began the search for my heart centre
When I finally became conscious of this disconnect between who I felt I was and what I thought my heart centre should be, I frantically began the search. I had a distinct feeling that a part of me was missing – a vital part – and I was desperate to get it back.
But no matter what I tried, nothing really got me there; not my meditations, not my breathwork, not my yoga, not anything. Where once I had felt both infinite and infinitely connected, there was only darkness. A numbness. An emptiness. A frustrating powerlessness to, once again, sense the wholeness of me.
But I didn’t give up. I kept trying new things. And then one day, when I was doodling with the intention of connecting to my heart centre, on a total mission to get in touch, to feel, to know, to be, my soul whispered to me that I had it all backwards.
“You’ve got it backwards. It’s not that we must connect to our hearts, it’s that we must allow our hearts to connect to us.”
And that changed everything.
I rediscovered the art of surrender
I’d spent so long learning about the mind, gathering knowledge about my mental disorder so that I could create a more manageable existence, I forgot that not everything can be rationalised, defined, or ordered into neat little boxes.
Especially when it comes to the spiritual cauldron of the heart centre. Because when we try to connect, we’re searching, we’re pushing outwards. It’s the same as reaching towards a fading dream; the further we stretch the fingers of our minds, the more the dream flutters out of reach. The intangible can be so elusive that way.
So instead of searching, we surrender. We allow the natural flow. In allowing our hearts to connect to us, we simply allow our hearts to do what they do: to love.
When the heart centre opens like a flower in spring
The most beautiful answers, the most profound, are always the simplest. We quietly whisper to ourselves, “It’s not that we must connect to our hearts, it’s that we must allow our hearts to connect to us.” And then we surrender. We allow our hearts to love.
A little like this …
Love the easy things like the birds singing on a spring morning. Like the earth under your feet. Love the colour of the sky and the sound of the ocean. Love the moon hanging low and the peace that comes with it. Love the beings in your life and art and music and dance.
Love the random things like the mottled pencil sharpener on your desk. The dog barking down the road. Love the piece of paper in front of you. The laptop humming in the background. The stone in your shoe. Your shoe.
Love the tricky things like that extra roll of fat around your belly. The pimple on your chin. The way you’re feeling right now. Love the uncomfortable. The difficult. Love the voice in your head even when you don’t agree with it.
Love everything. Love completely. Love without question. Love with your whole heart and allow your entire being to be drenched in this delicious feeling. That’s when you know your heart centre is opening like a flower in spring.
And if you don’t feel it at first …
If you don’t feel it at first, trust the process. There are so many things in the world that numb us. Depression numbs us. Medications can numb us. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, stress, chronic fatigue, grief, emotional pain, emotional dysregulation, abuse, and mental health conditions like borderline personality disorder (BPD) can all numb us.
So start by accepting the idea that you are already connected to your heart centre, even if you don’t feel it right now. Start cultivating a gentle curiosity around what might make you smile. What might compel you to close your eyes just so that you can take it all in, and appreciate it more deeply. What might make you sigh with content.
Start opening yourself up to the idea that you might feel this warmth, this glow that gently encompasses your whole body. Start holding yourself lightly, without fear or self-judgement, and be brave enough to reach out for help, even if you’re not quite sure that you need it.
Our hearts have a wisdom that our minds could never mimic, and so my unwavering belief, no matter how far off-centre we may feel, is that our hearts will always win through.
