The light of life, in so many ways, dances in the hearts of our friends. Our true friends. Because there’s nothing quite like being held in the glow of a beautiful heart. In the words of Shakespeare, “One beautiful heart is better than a thousand beautiful faces”. But these kinds of friends are so rare. And too many of us bend ourselves into allowing toxic behaviour, closing our eyes to the signs of a friend who is not a true friend at all. Let’s not forget that we are worth the most beautiful of hearts, that we deserve friends like these …
Probably the biggest sign of a true friend is that they totally accept you
You know when you can sink into yourself, into your whole perfect, not perfect being? When your whole body drops that exhausting mask? It’s a release that’s a full-on physical sensation. And when you can do that in the presence of your friends, it’s like coming home. It’s the most amazing feeling to know that you’re totally accepted for being totally you. You on the good days, you on the bad days, you on your I-don’t-even-fuckin’-know days. You. Everything you. Quirks and complexities. Successes and setbacks. Your good moments. Your bad moments. Every single piece of you is okay. And a true friend knows that.
True friends will be honest, but kind
I used to say that a good friend would tell you not to get on that reality show and sing if you really couldn’t sing. You know, to save you that international embarrassment. Unless international embarrassment is your actual aim. And then they’ll love you anyway. But we’ve all got to walk our own paths, right? Make our own mistakes. We all do stupid things. And questionable things. Sometimes even bad things. A true friend will never be afraid to call us out, or to tell us, gently, when they’re worried we’re on a pathway to pain. But they will also stand by us no matter what.
True friends don’t judge
They believe in us when we have to do the hard things. They’re the safe space when we do the wrong things. They’re the wings and the pompoms and the fairy dust when we reach for the impossible things. And they keep reminding us that we’re human. So when we’re kicking ourselves because we made a mistake, or we missed something, or we didn’t miss it at all and crashed into it instead, or we coloured outside the lines, they’ll remind us that it’s just what humans do sometimes.
True friends listen
They listen, not because they have to, but because they want to. Because, for some kind of weirdly wonderful reason that we’re not about to challenge, they actually love us enough to give a damn. They don’t lecture us, they don’t try to fix everything, and they definitely don’t try to one-up our stories or our pain. They just listen. They make us feel heard. And they believe us when we speak. And when we’re not saying anything at all, that’s when they’re especially listening. They can write volumes from our silence.
True friends give us what we need before we even have to ask
Don’t you just love those friends who tackle the dishes piled up in your sink? Or the ones who bring the food because they know you hate cooking. They do things without demanding anything in return. But one of the most sacred things a true friend can give us is space. Some of us need more timeout than others, and true friends get that. Without ever making us feel bad about it. And when they don’t know what we need, they ask, and then pull at all the strings that tie the moon to the earth to make sure we have it. Or at the very least draw us a stick figure to make us laugh.
Because true friends really do make us laugh
Mostly at ourselves. Because when we’re being that indignant or outraged or stroppy, stupid, and pompous, we are that funny. We have to be. Otherwise we’re just another asshole and we wouldn’t have friends as true and rare and beautiful as these. They don’t just light us up, they lighten us up too. Because sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. And life should be a joy. Totally fun and a little silly. At least some of the time, right?
True friends are our medicine
Sometimes my friends are my “Jiminy Cricket”, my conscience. Sometimes they’re my compass and my guides. My inspiration, my sounding boards, my cheerleaders, my champions, my biggest fans. They’re my pick-me-ups and my safe spaces. My happy thoughts. My friends are my glue. My tribe, my warriors. And they’re always, always my medicine. They’re my greatest treasures. And we’re there for each other no matter what’s going on in our lives.
Because that’s how we get through. And friends like these are worth every beat of the beautiful heart.
