A mother of two shares her analogy of the beautiful flower and how it helps support her growing tween to believe in her own process.
The seedling
I have always told my daughter that she is like a beautiful flower planted in the soil of mother earth. She starts as a seedling, growing strong roots, growing new leaves, growing taller, and then becomes a small bud waiting to blossom into a beautiful flower.
My job is to nurture, love, and to help her to grow. Help her to become the most beautiful flower she can. Make the soil rich and fertile. Water the soil daily. Protect it through the bad weather. Give it the sunlight it deserves. This analogy I have found is quite wonderful and allows her to understand my love and role as a mother, but also to believe in her own process.
Standing tall
She has just turned 11. She is technically, in the flower analogy, standing tall. It’s the beginning of a tough time of life for girls.
I remember that stage. It comes with all those wonderful things like the onset of puberty, acne, gawkiness, and a general fall in confidence as you struggle to decide where you fit in this crazy world. I remember I got glasses and braces, and that my skin was so awful. I had no idea how to act around boys and I felt like I just didn’t fit in.
It’s so tough and feels like it will go on forever and that there is never an end in sight. In today’s world of media bombardment I think they have it harder as there are few places to hide, and so many ways for people to bully … and so much that just isn’t real.
My words for growth and support
Reflecting back on those days, with the hindsight of age, these are some of the words of wisdom I can share with her …
#1
If you are beautiful inside, it will show on the outside. It’s not a cliché, it’s the truth. No matter what the tween or teen appearance may be. Your temporary appearance doesn’t define you. The more you embrace being beautiful on the inside, the more you will love being beautiful. The more you will radiate goodness.
#2
Fads and fashions pass. Don’t let them govern you.
#3
Be yourself. You are unique and special. There is only one of you. Stand firm in who you are: it will set you apart in the future.
#4
Don’t listen to the noise. Many times these are empty minds just looking for company.
#5
Treat others the way you want to be treated. They may learn from you and you from them.
#6
Friends will come and go. Some will grow with you, others won’t. That’s ok. Be kind and respectful, but know that you don’t have to invest in everyone, just the right ones.
#7
Don’t let go of what makes you special.
#8
Embrace your childhood for as long as you can, you have your whole life to be an adult.
#9
If it’s not your circus, don’t get involved.
#10
Sensibility in some form should always be at the root of all decisions.
#11
No one is in a position to judge you until they have walked in your shoes. Forgive them if they do. They will learn later on.
#12
Embrace what you love, and pursue it. Sports and hobbies teach many things you only realise much later on.
#13
Mentors are a wonderful thing, choose them for the right reasons.
#14
Dream big. You can do anything you set your mind to.
… and most importantly, I tell her to live for today.
Further reading …
“Be Free. Be You. Unapologetically.”
“Our authenticity has been hijacked,” says neurodivergent advocate Natasha van Zyl (BA Psych [Hons]). But she’s here to remind us that each one of us is part of an extraordinary design, to encourage us to explore outside of our comfort zones … to be free, to be you. Unapologetically.
“What is natural for the monkey is unnatural for the fish, right? It’s a pretty reasonable statement. Yet we don’t follow the same logic when it comes to humans, to the cultures, the values, and the lifestyles we choose.
Because we’ve put our trust in a system that sells us joy in a plastic wrapper …”
Read more in “Be Free. Be You. Unapologetically.”
