I don’t think anyone’s immune to the sting of job rejection. Whether we’re looking for fulltime work, freelance gigs, or trying to seal that impossible deal, every “no”, every vague and perfunctory “maybe next time”, or even worse, every echoing silence, carves away at us a little more. As a freelancer, and probably most especially as a writer, I’ve had my share of rejections, believe me. So if you’re feeling a little disillusioned right now, here are some ways to help you step back into your full self and reclaim your power.
A rejection not a reflection of you
Don’t let your mind bend this rejection, or any rejection, into a “truth”. No matter how many times you may have heard the whoosh of a door closing behind you, don’t buy into the story that you are not worthy. I’d often felt like maybe the world didn’t have a place for someone like me after all the rejections. When in fact, it was never the “world” that rejected me, just a bunch of people.
And how could anyone know the entirety of you and everything you could offer? So what if they didn’t think you were perfect for the job. No human walking this planet is perfect. I promise. We’re all in a state of growth. And the world needs every single one of us: who we are now, and the wild magnificence of who we are becoming.
The job isn’t the destination
It helps me when I remind myself that the next job or project or business venture is not the destination, it’s only ever a stepping stone in the fullness of a journey we can’t even see yet. So if not this stepping stone, maybe there’s something better.
For me, part of this process is trusting the Universe – and at the same time doing whatever I can to become a better writer. And instead of thinking we’ll be happy “when”, we can reframe to be happy “while”. I think society has conditioned us all too well to chase one thing, and then the next thing, and the next. So we forget to look for joy in the moment we are in. And while it’s not so easy to put into practice, it’s totally worth every effort.
And maybe, just maybe, we’re actually swimming upstream
I thought I wanted to be a screenwriter, a filmmaker … so much so that I quit my fulltime writing job and went freelance so that I could create the space for this dream. I went on courses, made new contacts, found mentors, wrote screenplays, stuffed drawers full of draft revisions, pestered everyone I knew to read them and give me feedback, submitted scripts to festivals and competitions, read every screenwriting and filmmaking book I could get my hands on, but it always felt more like I was “pushing” rather than “attracting”.
And all the while, somehow an invisible stream carried me to this place I am now. Today I’m a published ghostwriter and mental health advocate who works with psychologists and other amazing beings of healing. I love being the invisible creative partner who helps other people share their stories and their inspiration. And I love writing openly about living with bipolar. So yeah, today, I’m lucky enough to be a writer who has finally found her voice. And that is intensely fulfilling.
So create a wall of love
Find a wall, like an actual wall, somewhere in your house, any corner you can call yours, and fill it with all the amazing things anyone has ever said about you. Do it. Write those compliments onto pieces of paper and paste them to your wall. When someone replies to an email saying, “I looooove this! You are AMAZING!!!!” Stick it on your wall. When someone messages you saying, “Omg. You’re so talented!” On the wall it goes.
So what if it’s your mom, or your bff saying these things?! Stick. It. On. Your. Wall! We always forget the good shit people say. I stuck colourful notes likes these all over the place … and I was surprised at how well it worked. I actually started believing that maybe some of this good stuff could be true. And eventually, I started owning that shit.
And finally …
Nurture a feeling of gentle curiosity about what exciting opportunities and new adventures could be waiting for you around the next corner. Behind the next door that isn’t whooshing shut. Past that window you’ve maybe never even seen before.
It’s like this: whenever you feel your body tightening, your heart flipping, your mind flapping … stop. Shut out everything except for the air flowing into you – even if it’s just for one breath.
Then bend your mind with the unfettered curiosity of a child around the hidden wonders of the world. Open your heart and your most untainted and most daring imagination to the most dizzying possibilities.
Because when our imaginations are bound by negativities, we don’t see everything that we could be.
And we could be everything.
Further reading …
Rejection, of any kind, so often leads us to the murky waters of self-doubt. But here’s the thing about overcoming self-doubt … you don’t have to beat it with a stick. In her article about how she struggled with, and finally learnt to overcome self-doubt, Mental health advocate Sabine NLD Bittle says, “Sometimes a little bit of self-doubt is good for me. It stokes the rebellious fires within until I prove to myself that ‘I’ve got this’, that I’m a total badass. But every now and then self-doubt swallows me whole.”
Fighting it is futile. And one particularly debilitating moment of self-doubt etched itself so vividly into her consciousness that she found herself flung back to it again and again. But then, she says, “Something beautiful happened …”
Read more in “Overcoming Self-Doubt”
